If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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