im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
