Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
the raccoons are back...
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