You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
