just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
