haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
