...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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