after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
