Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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