I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
