in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
