i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
