do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
