and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
