I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
