You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
