My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea