and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who put my cat in the fridge?