is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza