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Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
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