I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS