One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that