The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.