covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
