My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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