you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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