i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
