Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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