Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
