Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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