On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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