Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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