I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
