I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
