i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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