Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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