The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
