I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
