Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
