I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
