JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am mentally ready for anal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
