I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
