i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
