then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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