Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
