he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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