I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
