why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
