i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
