GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
