eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
