She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
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