You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
