He kissed a someone with a penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
