Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
