Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
