her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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