I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
