When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
