i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
