She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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