I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
