So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize