he puts the penis in happiness.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
