This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
