Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
