Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
