So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
