I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
