i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
