She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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