its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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