Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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