Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
