Your dad touched me again.
there's paper in my vomit.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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