He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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