there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
