farters have to be the big spoon...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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