i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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