In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm both gender and math confused
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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