What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
