I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
