I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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