I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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