my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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