her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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